Welcome back to to the final post in the series of How To Get Over A Breakup After Cheating.
If you missed the first two posts, start by reading them here.
This week I share with you a concept that can feel triggering, challenging and sometimes impossible.
Yes, today we are looking at forgiveness as part of the healing process.
In my book Break Up and Shine I cover a whole chapter on forgiveness, specifically about the misconceptions of what it means to forgive. (more…)
Last week I talked about the specific pain that comes when a partner cheats.
I shared the first step in how to get over a breakup after cheating, which was learning to recognise that the betrayal isn’t about you. If you missed that post, click here to read.
As promised, this week I am sharing the second discovery I made while healing from my own divorce after an affair. (more…)
If your partner’s cheating led to the end of your relationship, you are probably wondering how you will ever get over it.
A breakup due to unfaithful behaviour adds its own specific elements of grief. I know from my own experience as well as from clients, that even a long way into the healing process, an affair can still torture you with feelings of unworthiness, sorrow and anger.
Getting over a breakup when you have been cheated on takes self-compassion and patience. (more…)
When my last relationship ended, I didn’t really understand why. After eight years together and still feeling love for each other, my partner walked away saying he didn’t feel able to commit.
He didn’t want to work on the relationship because he felt that nothing would change for him. So, I had no choice but to let it end and do everything I could to pick myself up from deep grief, intensified by great confusion.
Now, over a year later, I still cannot give you a definitive reason as to why we broke up. I do still think about the breakup and occasionally it can bring up emotion, even now.
But these days, instead of that burning need to understand and make sense of it, I have a more distanced curiosity when I think about the reasons we ended. I think this might be that elusive state we call “closure.” (more…)
Are you feeling hurt and angry about the way you have been treated? If you feel you deserve some breakup karma, you’re not alone.
When someone treats us with disrespect or heartlessness, either during a relationship or through the process of a break-up, it is entirely natural to be left with a sense of bitterness and resentment.
Even if we’ve decided to refrain from negative dialogue or behaviour towards the ex-partner, it can be comforting to hold onto the belief that “karma will get them”. (more…)
How much has your soul been part of your breakup healing?
I’m not a traditionally religious person. In fact, I actively rejected what I felt were restrictive faith teachings as a teenager.
But I’ve always had a sense of something “bigger than me” working in my life. It’s available to give me support and guidance when I get quiet and listen for it. (more…)
Last week I saw a quote about breakup rejection which read:
“No person walking this earth is worth you sitting awake at 3am feeling like you aren’t enough”
And yet…as the rejected party this is what we do. We conclude that a person not wanting us, means that we are somehow lacking or unlovable.
Sometimes the ex-partner may have actually said these words. Sometimes it’s implied in their actions; if they have left for someone else or they meet someone new when the dust has barely settled on the relationship.
This post is not about judging anyone’s grounds for leaving a relationship . It’s about helping you, as the person who was left, to recognise that your worthiness was never determined by that relationship. Because when it comes to healing, it is vital to understand that it’s the meaning we give to the rejection that hurts more than actually being left. (more…)
Valentine’s day after a divorce can bring painful memories of happier times. Even if you were never a “Valentine’s Day person” it’s normal to feel a sense of loneliness on this most coupley of days, which emphasises the fact that you are alone and missing out on what everyone else seems to have.
Today, I’m not going to talk about how to get through February 14th because it’s something I’ve already covered in another post. Instead, I’m going to invite you to go deep on self-love.
It can be grating to read about self-love in a Valentine’s day post, when all you want is for somebody else to care for you. But I’m writing about it anyway because, even though it might not be the kind of love you want to receive today, it’s the most important of all, and learning to embrace it will bring you more happiness than any card, gift or romantic meal. (more…)
2020. It’s the year most people will be glad to see the end of and if you’ve been struggling with a break-up, even more so.
For most of us there will be no parties or big celebrations, so you can probably avoid the dread of seeing couples kiss at midnight. But the loneliness might be more palpable and it may still feel a bitter and painful night without the person you thought you’d be spending all your New Year’s Eves with.
The period leading up to a New Year is commonly a time for reflection and looking ahead, and this is never more poignant than when you’ve had an emotionally difficult year.
Here are 5 reminders of how to use this special time to your advantage and take the first steps to make the end of your relationship feel less like the end of your life. (more…)
My first Christmas post-break-up was emotionally tough; it was 10 months after my marriage had ended and the resurgence of grief took me by surprise. Special occasions can knock you off guard just when you think you are coping, and can be particularly cruel if they happen very close to the end of your relationship. The Christmas season, weddings, summer holidays – in fact any celebration which drives home expectations of “togetherness”can make you feel like an outsider, a failure or just really sad and low.
It can feel hard to turn to other people at this time of year; who wants to feel like the killjoy bringing down everyone’s happiness? From the other side it looks like everyone else’s life is perfect; meanwhile, you are desperately trying to avoid the “what are you doing for Christmas?” conversations or trying not to cry at the thought that you may not be with your children this year. (more…)