Last week I saw a quote about rejection which read:
“No person walking this earth is worth you sitting awake at 3am feeling like you aren’t enough”
And yet…as the rejected party this is what we do. We conclude that a person not wanting us, means that we are somehow lacking or unlovable.
Sometimes the ex-partner may have actually said these words. Sometimes it’s implied in their actions; if they have left for someone else or they meet someone new when the dust has barely settled on the relationship.
This post is not about judging anyone’s grounds for leaving a relationship . It’s about helping you, as the person who was left, to recognise that your worthiness was never determined by that relationship. Because when it comes to healing, it is vital to understand that it’s the meaning we give to the rejection that hurts more than actually being left.
The truth of your wholeness
Today we’re going to get a little deep and profound because these are truths which will really shift your perspective on how you view your break-up.
I want you to remember who you truly are.
I’m talking about the being who was born into this world before you were moulded and shaped by your childhood, your experiences and your relationships. You were birthed whole and complete. There really is nobody in this world who has the power to diminish your worth but, after rejection, it’s easy to see why we would think this was true.
The story of “not enough”
Nobody was ever marked at birth with a label of “not enough”. In fact, we were born with unlimited potential. However, by the time we reach adulthood we all carry varying degrees of emotional wounds. which started in childhood and continue throughout life. They shape our thoughts and beliefs, which in turn, shape our experiences.
So when a pattern of rejection begins to play out in our relationships, it appears further proof that we are somehow not quite enough. But this “evidence” is not the truth of who we are, it’s just the result of beliefs that have shaped us. And the great news is that beliefs can be changed.
How do you change a deep belief about your worthiness?
Start by listening to what you already know about yourself on a deeper intuitive level. You may think you don’t have this ability, but everyone does. It’s not easy to get there with the mind chatter of your daily thoughts but through taking some time for a quiet mindfulness, you will connect to a part of you that knows who you truly are and what you need.
Earlier this year when I was trying to process my own feelings around rejection I sat in a guided meditation and straight afterwards scribbled in my journal what had come up for me.
This is what it looked like:
None of these thoughts had been previously conscious but I recognised that they came from somewhere in me! Your soul/ spirit/inner-self/higher self (whatever you choose to call it) always has answers for you, when you are ready to ask and willing to listen.
Your plan for reclaiming wholeness
So, the deeper part of me confirmed that I was whole and undiminished by rejection. But what next? I could not spend my life in a state of permanent meditation in order to feel this truth!
The next step is to work to deeply reestablish self-love. The important thing to realise here, is that this is not about “fixing” yourself. If you approach self-love from the a fixing perspective, it only perpetuates the idea that there is something wrong with you. The route to self-love after rejection is:
- Accepting all parts of who you are
- Remembering truth of who you were when you came into this world
- Forgiving yourself for ways you behaved because your experiences shaped you that way
- Recognising that your lovability is not dependent on whether a particular person wants you
- Realising that no other person has the power to determine whether you are good enough
- Making yourself the priority in your own life
- Keeping your focus on what you can control, instead of giving your power away by fixating on your ex
- Shifting your perspective to reframe what the rejection actually means
Working consistently on these will make you release the grip of unworthiness that rejection makes you feel. Work out how you are going to bring this into your life. Do you need to read more or learn new healing tools? Do you require support from groups, therapy or loved ones? Are you already great at following your intuition and trust your inner knowing to guide your steps to moving forward?
Nurture your spark
Your ex-partner’s rejection was painful, and their behaviour and words may have hurt you. I know that your heart was broken when they took their love away and ended the relationship. But rejection can never diminish the core of who you are or the potential that you brought into the world. There is a little light deep within you which knows you were not born to be awake at 3am, distraught because another human doesn’t want you.
When you first find that spark, it might be vulnerable to self-doubt and the old ingrained beliefs that have kept you feeling like you aren’t enough. It’s your job to capture it and nurture it to full brightness by doing the self-love work described above.
This is what will truly shift your ability to move on.
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