Have you ever been in an online divorce support group and come away feeling worse than when you went in? There’s often a good reason for that.
Many groups, in their efforts to help you feel not so alone, end up thriving on the unhappiness that the community is going though. People in pain look to have that pain validated; this is entirely natural.
As a counsellor (and a human), I believe it is vital to acknowledge the grief that someone feels.
But in many break-up groups the support stops at the validation. This was my experience after my divorce.
Misery loves company
I went into online spaces looking to heal and came out feeling hopeless because it worked like this:
~ One person tells their story, another responds with their own tale of hardship. Then we agree how bad it is for each other.
~ Someone else posts a meme about “cheaters”. Twenty people respond with anger, indignation and their own personal experience of having been betrayed.
~ An inspiring message would be posted, followed by some cynical responses about how it couldn’t possible be true or work for them because of (insert XYZ circumstances).
Somewhere along the way, the moving on and inspirational support had been drowned out by complaints, powerlessness and negativity. This solidarity with your pain can sustain you for a while, but soon it begins to feel like it’s holding you back.
The right support will inspire you to be your best self
The best kind of support gives a balance of empathy with a loving nudge to let you know that you are responsible for your own moving on. Positive break-up support reminds you that you are powerful and have everything you need to create a happy new life, if you are willing to do the inner work.
When I began the “Break Up and Shine Moving On Community”, I wanted it to be different to my original experience of online support and I’m proud and really happy to say that it is. Our group members (300 and rising!) want to talk about what they are going through, but they are looking to be inspired, lifted and to know how things can be better for them. They also encourage and lift each other.
Feelings are still allowed!
Of course it’s acceptable to express painful emotions and thoughts in the group, but I believe that our members are seeking the tools to move through it and heal, rather than simply looking for someone to agree with them that life sucks and tell them what a terrible person their ex-partner was. It’s a group where people are ready to take responsibility for their healing.
If this feels like the kind of place you would like to start your journey to move on from your break-up or divorce, come to Facebook and join us – it’s completely free!
I would love for you toe supported, feel empowered, get inspired to move on!
With love and support,
Want another reason to join us?
Members of my Break Up and Shine Facebook group currently get a 50% discount on my 30 day online programme.