When I started writing Break Up and Shine I wanted to show others that a painful divorce need not be the end of everything good in your life. However horrendous it feels in the beginning, you can heal and move on. Divorce can also be the catalyst to make your life far better than it would ever have been, had you stayed in the relationship.
This week has resulted in one of the biggest testimonies to the changes my life took after my ex-husband left. My grief led to soul searching, which led to a lot of personal development work, which led to embarking on counselling training. And ultimately, (after almost 4 years) has led me to become a qualified counsellor!
“Turn My Sorrow Into Treasured Gold” – Adele (Rolling In The Deep)
I always felt that there was some purpose to the devastating break-up of my marriage. I knew the only way to make sense of the pain was to create something better from it.
The work I do now would not have been possible to the same degree, had I not been through my trauma and hardship. I could not be the therapist I am now, without having faced my fears, insecurities and previously unexpressed emotions. The break-up was the bombshell which made all of these come to the surface and require attention. Divorce pushed me out of my comfort zone and forced me to look at my life up to that point.
Loss is uncomfortable, messy, frightening and torturous at times. But when you are at your lowest point you have a choice to either stay there and give up (which feels so tempting at times), or to haul yourself up and look for the gold when all you can see is carnage.
It Starts With Mindset
Turning a loss into a win doesn’t necessarily start with a big goal like a new career or relationship. I certainly didn’t think 7 years ago that I would be doing what I’m doing now! The shift starts with simply seeing the possibility to view your break-up as something other than utter devastation. Change happens through being kind to yourself and honouring your grief, but also with a willingness to believe that your divorce might actually have been for the best.
This new perspective, allowed me to have a life I would not have contemplated before. I have chosen to specialise in relationship counselling. No real surprises there; after all, they do say “teach what you know”. So now, the loss I suffered in my life has become a win, not only for me, but for others who might benefit from the lessons I learned.